The Story Department - Latest Comments

Re: Logline it! – Black List – Week 14

Steven Fernandez — Sun, 12 May 2013 09:48:53 -0000

With regards to "The Portland Condition", there is one thing I would like to add that I had thought I should not while wearing my critic's hat (which I'm not doing now): It is the kind of film that I would like to direct myself and a film that - I dare say - would really work in my directorial hands. I would majorly rewrite the script, mind you, and I would likely make some key changes (including the title), but the potential of this feature concept remains high. I believe in it. Problem is, Yours Truly does not have the time to dedicate to this project (Arrgh!). Steven.

Re: Structure: The Untouchables

ozzywood — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 07:24:32 -0000

Brilliant comment. I agree completely. In fact, before you even mentioned it, I realized the similarity with Jaws....

Re: Structure: The Untouchables

Ramin Farahani — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 08:30:49 -0000

Hi Karel,

Great job on breaking down the script. helps that I love this movie too :)

Inciting Incident - It's my understanding that the Inciting Incident is something that occurs very early in the film (in many cases in as early as the first few minutes of the film). In my opinion the inciting incident is the blowing up of the pub, but not because it killed a little girl but because it establishes that, in contrast to his speech in the preceding scene ("It's bad for business"), Al Capone is indeed the man who has unleashed an epidemic of violence across the city, and thus put the city of Chicago under threat (illustrated by the killing of a little girl). It is ultimately this threat to Chicago city that acts as Ness' call to action.

To illustrate this I take another film which adopts a similar tool to establish the hero's call to action via the inciting incident; 'Jaws'. In the opening sequence of this movie, whilst we witness the tragic killing of a young couple, it is not their actual deaths that act as the inciting incident. Their deaths serve only to establish the true inciting incident which in this case is the arrival of a shark whose killing rampages threaten the lives of the good folk of Amity Island. And thus our hero's call to action shall follow.

Just my two pence.
R

Re: Why You Should Steer Clear Of Dual Protagonists

Mark Dark — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 09:42:32 -0000

Training Day is interesting because the Denzil character is the antag but has equal (if not more) screen time.

Re: From Ozzywood to Hollywood

Mark Rasmussen — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:07:20 -0000

Thanks David. It's what life is all about right? Learn, evolve, grow. :-)
I am sure the same can be said of you and your work. 'Produced by David Di Munro, Written by Mark Rasmussen.' Nice ring to it. ;-)

Re: From Ozzywood to Hollywood

David Di Muro — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 20:17:26 -0000

Congratulations Mark. So happy to hear you have learnt, grown and been active. You were always unique, and that uniqueness and determination has lead you to where you belong. Can't wait to walk into a movie one day and see your name splashed across the screen.

Re: The Greatest Scifi Screenplay Never Produced. (1)

Robert Morello — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 14:55:56 -0000

Wow, i worked on concepts for this project under the request of Gibson and Missell. I never thought i'd hear about it again, as it spiraled into a mess under the bad management of a science fiction art rep who conned me into having him represent me and then proceeded to threaten to sue Universal over pay, which was the death knell of any involvement I had in the project. But I tell you my concepts were tight, and I dare say more on-target than Giger's, who Missell and Gibson sited as the artists they wanted to head up the project. Hey Clair, Universal, I'm still out here if you still want to do this thing.

Re: Logline it! – Week 19

Andrew Bates — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:58:22 -0000

Cheers for the review guys! (Horn of leviathan)

Re: The Most Common Dialogue Errors In Screenplays

MrRocking — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 18:28:29 -0000

Can I add "Vague non dialogue" where the writer thinks they are creating an air of mystery by having characters talk around a subject but in fact are alienating the viewers by giving them nothing to get their teeth into.

23 minutes to Sunrise I'm looking at you.

Re: Why You Should Steer Clear Of Dual Protagonists

ozzywood — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 06:44:42 -0000

You are absolutely right: nothing is impossible.

I must confess I haven't seen Rush Hour but from the plot summaries on IMDb I would say it is a dual journey, definitely not two-in-one. The conflict arises from the fact they can't stand each other, yet have to solve a case together.

Re: Why You Should Steer Clear Of Dual Protagonists

Bissy Oremuyiwa — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 06:37:41 -0000

Really educative, I consider myself and other writers as Fiction Inventors and believe nothing is impossible in Fiction writing. In respect to your share, do we call this a 2 movie in 1 when the two heros do not meet or mix till close to the end e.g unknown twins (2 each other) one being a police officer, the other a criminal... film builds on their individual unconnected exploits till when the criminal messes in the police guy's zone. What would you also call Jackie Chan's duo with Chris Tucker in Rush hour.. though, Chris was comedic, he made as much impact as Jackie..

Re: The Judges – Circalit Loglines (9)

Rachel — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 17:01:24 -0000

Both loglines need to pay attention to grammar and smooth writing. The first one's second sentence feels very choppy. It would be better to put a dash between the two and stick with one sentence. In the second one, the second set of words ending with a period is not a sentence, but a phrase. To improve: something like "To <insert a="" goal="" here="">, they risk all they've battled for - with devastating effects. Better yet: give us a clue as to what the devastating effects are.</insert>

Re: [Video]: Lena Dunham’s Crystal Ball

Jamie Guildenstern Wynen — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 04:17:19 -0000

Use your words.

Re: Breaking Bad Has The Best Scene On Television – Ever

Dion Abbott — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 21:08:11 -0000

Your an idiot. This is not the usually happy, good guys always wins show. It's called breaking bad, if you cannot handle a realistic fall to the darkside tale watch little house on the prarie. Walk is still the biggest bad ass and focus of the show are you this stupid and childish?

Re: Breaking Bad Has The Best Scene On Television – Ever

Dion Abbott — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 21:03:18 -0000

LOL, so your braindead and have the IQ of a pea?

Re: Show, Don’t Tell

ozzywood — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 15:36:06 -0000

Your comment agrees with my personal taste, Steven.

However, check this out: http://boxofficemojo.com/movie...

The movie was a MASSIVE success. So the writers mastered this technique very well. Even with the extreme use of non-linear storytelling, it didn't seem to bother the audience.

So the question is: Why DID it work in 500 Days?

Re: Show, Don’t Tell

Steven Fernandez — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 08:53:35 -0000

A good example of over-use of flashbacks and jump cuts to the point of making a story seem disjointed is the film "500 Days Of Summer" (2008'ish). Probably the writer or director thought that non-linear storytelling would be 'cool'. But, in fact, the flow of the story was so 'chopped up' that it was way too difficult to care about the two lead characters.

Re: 11 Laws of Great Storytelling

Cody James Ong — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 14:54:06 -0000

Yeah this is what STUDIOS want a director or screenwriter to follow, I'm pretty sure the Coen bros or Terrance Malick or a handful of other directors with substatial credibility don't follow more then half of these rules. This isn't a rule guide, it's a fall short and play it safe guide. How about a page that shows why movies don't need to fall into the studio system, only making movies for money and not for storytelling. Because this article hits every single action/comic money making only movie I can think of. Oh and just because the movies they stated had a great opening 10 mins does not mean that theres billions more with a more interesting ending or climax as far to concentrate most heavily on the first 10 pages, just keep writing and writing and concentrate on all of the pages and maybe it will be more then a bimbo blockbuster.

Re: [Video]: Lena Dunham’s Crystal Ball

D Rant — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 16:18:40 -0000

Umm.

Re: Cut the Second Draft Paste

Adam — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:22:22 -0000

This seems like good advice. My second draft is different to my first. I would call it solid now. Before it was diarrhea. Still shit, however.

Re: Logline it! – Week 25

wks — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 23:31:24 -0000

'Draft day - too boring, too wordy, and too vague. Needs more punch.

'The general manager of a struggling NFL franchise risks all,
in pursuit of the next great franchise player, a move that can ruin him both
professionally and personally.'

Or “The general manager of a struggling NFL franchise risks all,
in pursuit of the next great franchise player. A decision that could not only cost him his life but his family's life as well."

Re: Logline it! – Black List 2012 – Week 5

wks — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 23:10:06 -0000

The Cherries" logline has all the elements of a high concept twist on Teen-sex movies. The sense of urgency is present in the "Prom Night" reference - for a logline.

Re: Technology and Screenwriting 2.0

ozzywood — Fri, 15 Mar 2013 01:56:11 -0000

I think they merged with Scripped (http://scripped.com).

Re: Technology and Screenwriting 2.0

Adriano Ferrari — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 20:55:18 -0000

Is it just me, or is Zhura.com down?

Re: When the script and story gurus speak

Poppy — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 12:35:58 -0000

Fairy tales are excellent. What's Iron Man if it's not a fairytale of sorts. I think you can learn a lot from them